More Rambling Thoughts. . . . .

I don't mean to bore you all with this but it has to come out somwhere. I overdid it a bit at work today and can hardly move. Then I happened to see the news while eating dinner and I usually only watch the weather. This got me to thinking about the past two weeks. It's been such a rollercoaster of emotions. Sunday the 9th I lost my Father, Monday the 10th my son went to Iraq, Wednesday the 12th we had the funeral, Thursday the 13th we welcomed Avri into our lives, Saturday the 15th my Mother had a birthday, then Monday the 17th my niece had her sweet little boy Julian.

I am still having sleeping issues but I know it will get better. I look terrible, according to a friend of mine, thanks a lot June I Love you too. I have listened to my son's voice mail 5 times and only hope that saving it will keep it so I can listen to it some more. He is the reason I try to only watch the weather though tonight I saw more than I wanted.

Enough rambling I suppose. I need to call Mother in a few minutes to see that she made it home from work ok. I sure wish I lived closer to her so I could be there when she needed me. It would be nice to be minutes away instead of hours.

Keeping My Mind Busy..

I am currently working on a hardback book with all of the guest book comments for my father's passing. It's a Loving Memories book, I will be adding photos and places to write some memories as well. Mother told me what colors she wanted and I am going from there. I searched on line for instructions and found this fabulous web site, Book Binding. I found this very helpful and feel that even I can accomplish this. So there are at least 7 books that need to be made. I thought 10 but after counting again I realize it was only 7 and therefore left me with less work.

I originally thought that an 8 x 8 would be perfect but for home printing this won't quite work like I thought. I don't have one of those 12 x 12 printers so I need to get it sized so I can print it out. I think printing at 5 x 7 may be the right size. Then I need to figure out what pages need to be printed together and I should be all set to go.

This is the cover I made for the book. Though I think this will be placed as the first page in the book. Using gold embossing on the cover I think will look better. That's about all the latest here. I need to get busy and finish making all the pages for the book. Then I need to go to the store and get some supplies for making these.

Gathering My Thoughts. . . . .

I am sitting here tonight with so many thoughts going through my head. Spinning would be a good word for how it is feeling. So much has happened in the past week that I am trying to settle all of the emotions. Trying to find a place where they aren't bumping into one another and causing chaos. Trying to get my nerves to settle so the nausia goes away.

I found myself in tears again today while I was at work. I suppose I really wasn't ready to go back but the need to survive drove me back there. The support and caring words from all of my co-workers touched me deeply and then the tears came again. It's a mix of saddness and joy flowing through me. Losing and gaining is causing quite the upset with me right now. I go from crying to beaming in an instant.

Today we were all blessed again with another addition to our family. My niece delivered her beautiful baby boy, Julian Lawrence, this morning. What a great name, honoring my Grandmother. As you can see, more emotions flowing wildly out of control. He will be so loved as I know Avri will be.

Not sure if gathering is the word for my thoughts today. I can't seem to get them together in any sort of order. So it's more of the rambling effect that I do so well. I suppose in time everything will settle down and the nausia will go away and my thoughts will quit running wildly through my head, causing explosions of emotions and tears.

More Of Avriana . . . .

I didn't think I had enough pictures of Avriana so I took a drive to the hospital today. I have hundreds of photos now, it seemed like a little over 140 just wasn't enough. I even made Miranda put her in a cute little dress for me. I am quite pleased with the pictures. She is adorable and looks a lot like her big brother. They are going home from the hospital tonight. She will grow so fast and we will wonder where the time went. So while the chances are here I will do my best to capture her growing.

New Beginings . . . . .

What a week this has been. What a grand mix of emotions flowing through and enveloping me and my family. Sudden rushes like the waves of a flood. Crashing in on me and for a moment carrying me away to places unfamiliar at times.

On March 13th of this year we have had the honor of welcoming a new life into our fold. Precious, tiny and vulnerable. Looking to us for guidance and care, with a glint in her eye and a sweet little smile as if to say that everything will be alright. Just hold me for a moment, she seemed to say, and you will see. As I held her in my arms it seemed to ease the pain for a moment. A calmness came over me and filled my heart with a smile.

Welcome Avriana Isabelle to our family. It will be so fun to see you grow and laugh or smile. Thank you for the smile you placed into my heart yesterday.

Reflections........

This has been a long and draining week for my family. The tears are still flowing and I find they come whenever they feel they want to. The littlest things set them to flowing and sometimes stopping them is impossible. The pain is a terrible ache deep inside of me, wrenching at my insides endlessly. I feel an emptiness where once it was full.

It has to get easier, I know it does. It hasn't yet but I know somewhere down the road the pain will lessen and there will be happy memories in place of sadness. Laughter will come instead of tears. Comfort will come with all of the memories, I know it will. For now I will cry when I feel like it and remember when I can.

I said before that he was an amazing man. Have you heard that saying "Proof is in the pudding?" Well there was proof of my words and how I felt about him, along with hundreds of others. The outpouring of love and support from family and friends was overwhelming. All of the stories I have heard, the love that was put into every word. Grown men crying at the viewing and funeral. The respect for him was shown in every action, every gesture and every salute. The Flag at half mast brough me to tears as we drove by the fire station. To have affected so many lives and be loved by so many is truly a sign of a great man. I believe missed is a mild word for the feelings that have overwhelmed all of us.

Every kind word, every hug and prayer, from my friends at Kindred Creations was so truly helpful to me. I carried all of these words with me while I traveled this week. It became my strength as the miles got fewer and reality closer. It felt like, and still does at times, a bad dream that I was bound to wake from. Then the reality of it all sank in and I realized it wasn't a dream.

A Sad Day

It is with a very heavy heart that I am sitting here writing tonight. I feel like this is a terrible dream and I will be waking from it soon. Someone please pinch me and wake me up.

My family lost and amazing man today. Anyone that knows him will have to agree with me. He always seemed to know when you needed to laugh or when you needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to sit and chat with. I will miss him so very much.

The calls home won't quite be the same. There won't be a voice on the other end saying

"I'm Just Sittin"

"It's that girl again"

"It's that girl that lives in eskimo country"

"I don't want to talk to you, Michele get in here and talk to this person"

or

"It's her again Margaret".

All of this in good fun and from the heart. I'll miss the jokes and puns at me and my problems with my trucks. So Long Tony you are missed already and will not be forgotten. Thanks for letting me drive that fire truck when I was just 16 down the runway at 80 mph. I still haven't forgotten how much fun that was.

New Freebie.....

For a limited time this freebie will be available for download. RAK Scraps has a wonderful color scheme for the member's kit for March. This is my contribution to that kit.

DOWNLOAD LINK #1

DOWNLOAD LINK #2

Finally The Weekend Is In Sight..

I am so glad that the weekend is near. It's been a long and tiring week for sure. One thing after another to make work hectic. Glad it is all behind me now.

We have had some nice snowfall this week. I don't mind it as long as it's just snow and not ice or wind. Makes for a long drive to work but I don't mind...really I don't.

We have had these little squirrels in our yard all winter. They would take turns getting food from our dog's bowl if there was any left to be had. They are so cute and there was two of them until today. My nephew is here for the weekend and he noticed a hawk outside the dog pen eating something. Sad to say it was one of those little squirrels. I got some pictures of the hawk as it is odd to see one here in town let alone one trying to survive here. I wonder how this has effected the other little squirrel. I am sure they were mates and this, though they are animals, must be heartbreaking. Such is life and survival I suppose but a sad day.